You’ve probably heard these sayings before: “If you love him let him go.” “Let him go he’ll come back to you.” Is there any truth to these sayings? Should you consider letting him go? Will he come back if you break up? In this guide, we’ll cover the pros and cons of ending your relationship when you’re not sure that you should, plus we’ll cover how to let him go – whether he comes back or if he decides to stay away.
P.S. Guys, if you’re reading this article, the same wisdom applies. Whatever your relationship looks like and whomever it’s with, it’s possible that letting go might be the best solution. Let’s take a closer look.
People Long for Freedom
Just as people long for loving relationships, they long for the freedom to be themselves and do the things that they enjoy. All too often, we find ourselves worried about losing our partners. Out of fear and worry and love, we have a tendency to tighten our grip, thinking that we can take control of the relationship. In the process, we hold on too tight. We scare our partner, we start to seem creepy, and we’re not much fun to be around. Whether we realize it or not, we need to loosen our grip and let our partner be themselves – even if that means letting them go.
People Need Space
If I let him go will he come back? That’s a good question. In many cases – unless your relationship really went off the rails – the answer is yes. This will only happen if you truly let him go. The reason for this is that he really needs to know that he is on his own, free from your influence. You aren’t calling him, you aren’t texting him, you aren’t driving past his place to see what he’s up to or to see if any cars are parked outside. You must give him absolute freedom if you want him to think about coming back.
Don’t Be Your Own Worst Enemy
There are a ton of stories out there where women say: “I let him go and he came back to me!” This is fantastic – it’s a sign that letting go really can result in getting him back and making your relationship better and more trusting than it was before.
Unfortunately, there are also plenty of stories in which the guy never comes back – and sometimes (but not always) this happens because we can be our own worst enemies. Here’s a scenario: You say you’re letting him go and you do, but instead of giving him the freedom and space he needs, you start texting and calling and showing up, trying to talk about what went wrong, and trying to make things better before he’s ready. This suffocates him – and it makes him far less likely to come back.
Want Him to Return? He Must Miss You
“Will he come back to me if I let him go?” If you want the answer to be “Yes,” then you have to give him space and time to miss you. This means pretending he doesn’t exist. Don’t open his snapchats or like his tweets. Don’t read his texts right away, and don’t respond immediately. Make him wonder what you’re up to, even if that’s just hanging around watching Netflix all by your lonesome.
Don’t ask his friends if they’ve seen him. Don’t drive past his work or try to catch the same train he rides. Don’t try to accidentally bump into him at the places you used to go together. Just. Do. Not.
Why be so careful to avoid him when you’re hoping to let him go and he’ll come back? He absolutely has to have time to miss you. He has to realize that he cannot take you for granted. If you hang around moping, hoping that he’ll notice you or catch a glimpse of you in your hottest outfits, he is in control. He has you wrapped around his finger, and worse yet, he thinks that you’re kind of pathetic. That’s the last thing you want. Pull away. Break completely free so that he has room to recognize that life is better with you than it is without you.
What Happens While You’re Apart?
Most of us have been there, feeling that sense of deep, sad longing. It’s enough to drive a person crazy – and it’s enough to make us drive past their house, too. As bad as it can get, once you think “I have to let him go” and you follow through with that plan, you have to stay away. Knowing what happens while you’re apart can help prevent you from acting like a sad, lost puppy and messing everything up for yourself.
He’ll go out with the guys and they’ll do what guys do. He might hook up with someone else and so might you. He’ll think to himself, “I’m free!” He’ll eat the stuff you hate, he’ll probably go on a bender or two, and he’ll enjoy his “me” time.
You have to let him. You have to celebrate your own life and be you and do the things you love. If he accidentally bumps into you, you have to be totally nonchalant and go on with your business even if your heart is beating like a hammer inside your chest. He has to feel like he has lost you completely.
Then one day a shift will take place. He’s going to be reminded of you over and over. It’s something that happens to guys, the same way we get reminders of them. He’s going to notice that he misses you. He’s going to stalk your Instagram and see those great photos that show how much fun you’re having. He’s going to talk to mutual friends who tell him that “Yeah, actually, she’s doing great!” If it’s really meant to be, he is going to want you back.
Use This Trick to Get Him Back
Besides pulling away and going on with your life as if he never even existed, you’re going to use this last trick. Start dating other guys. Nothing serious, just go out, smile, laugh, flirt, have fun, and take pictures. Take lots of pictures of you and the guys you’re dating, and post them where he’s going to see. He’s going to feel jealous and wonder why he made the mistake of leaving when you let him go.
The next step is this: He’s going to reach out to you. He’s probably going to act casual, and so should you. Be friendly, be courteous, but make it clear that you’re busy having fun. Be just a little hard to get and eventually, he might make it clear that he wants you back. If you still want him back, great! Go for it. Hold on, but loosely. Let him be him and have fun being you. Enjoy all the great things about one another!
“Should I let him go? What if this doesn’t work and he never comes back?” This is a serious question and let’s face it, a certain percentage of relationships that end with letting him go aren’t going to be restored. It’s OK. Really, it is. There are plenty of fish in the sea as the old saying goes, and you can move on. If you’re already following our advice to have fun and focus on enjoying yourself once you’ve let him go, you’ll find that it’s fairly easy to take what you’ve learned from your old relationship and make your next one better. Good luck!